The 'Dog Day Afternoons

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Sorry, but this isn't a post about a guy robbing a bank to fund a sex change operation. (Attica! Attica! Attica!). I'm actually writing about the beloved tube steak.

Back in my b cup days I used to order these things by what seemed like the gross. As my waistband continued to expand it became increasingly obvious that I needed to cut things back a little. So I did - big time. Bread and red meat (among other things) were cut out of my diet while I started the march toward the coveted 34 inch waist.

Forty-five pounds later (that's another post(s)), I began to include the beloved hot dog back into my diet. I prefer to have one at lunch time when I'm running errands. My new rule is that I can only get one. While I'm not Kobayashi, I can down three or four without even thinking about it. Here are a few places (not including my experience at Tucky's) that I've stopped at on the west side.

Old Fashion Hot Dog
4008 Lorain Ave
Cleveland, OH 44113
(216) 631-4460



Since I happened to be over in this neighborhood to rummage through the wares at Antiques in the Bank - awesome selection of odd ball house parts - I figured I'd stop in at Old Fashion Hot Dog. This is one of those places I usually drive by, but have already eaten so I keep on driving. Since I hadn't had lunch I dropped in. OFHD is old school. I'm guessing it looks very similar to the way it did thirty years ago. I'm not implying that it's dirty or ugly, it's just a popular breakfast and lunch counter that serves its local neighborhood. The hot dogs, hamburgers, fries, etc. are nothing fancy it just a straightforward, middle of the road dog that isn't boiled or sitting on rollers. Friendly service, cooked on the flat top, that'll be $1.25.

The right window looks like it says, "Cheap Fat Zone"

Hot Dog Diner
4407 Brookpark Rd
Parma, OH 44134
(216) 335-9050
www.hotdogdiner.com



This was another "in the neighborhood" stop. Located in an an old Taco Bell just west of the Ridge and Pearl Road intersection, Hot Dog Diner has a large variety of different hot dogs, hamburgers, and soft serve flavors. The dogs are very reasonable in price ($1.07 for your regular, $1.99 for the jumbo, $1.99 for a corn dog, another "Calvin the Fatty" favorite. I am a corn dog whore.) They have crispy, non-soggy fresh cut fries.

If there was one thing I didn't like it was the soft serve. I ordered the malted cone. When took the first taste it just tasted like vanilla ice cream. If there was a malted taste I didn't recognize it, but that might have been because it went from it's semi frozen to liquid state in about one minute. This cone melted so fast I had to throw it in the trash. I'd go back - I'd just skip the ice cream.

Happy Dog
5801 Detroit Ave
Cleveland, OH 44102
(216) 651-9474
www.happydogcleveland.com



I've actually been here a few times. In my opinion, Happy Dog has the best Hot Dog I've had in Cleveland. Their menu is simple: Hot Dogs (or Veggie Sausage) with your choice of as many of the fifty toppings as you want, Fries, Tater Tots and booze. That's it. The dogs are of the large 1/4 lb. variety. "B Cup Cal" would've eaten two of these with no problem. "Rational Cal" now realizes that one of these with an order of potato du jour and a beer or three, makes for a very satisfying dinner. I have to be in the mood to come here because I don't typically like eating a hot dog for dinner, but the twenty+ draught selection certainly has the power to draw me in. The toppings are also very good - I had the applewood smoked bacon and bourbon baked beans. I was skeptical (and still am) that these hot dogs would taste good with some of the toppings that are offered. Fruit Loops? Peanut Butter? Seriously? Well...."7 year old Cal" would've been all over that.

Tucky's (rhymes with "Yucky's")

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I was driving down Mayfield Road and decided to grab a quick bite while I was out. Always up for an afternoon dog, I decided to give Tucky's a try.

As I walked up to the front door I noticed a sign thanking Clevelanders for voting them "Best Cheap Eats". This is a good sign, no? I mean, if the good people of Cleveland voted them the best, they've got to be right, right?

I walk into the store and I'm absolutely waylayed by a massive wall of frying oil smell. I'm being completely serious, the place was filled with the heavy odor of deep fryers. I knew if I didn't get in and out quickly I was going to need a shower when I got home.

I hurried up and ordered a Chicago that consisted of a skinless Old Vienna hotdog on poppy seed bun, with sports peppers, emerald relish, diced onions, tomato wedge, pickle spear, yellow mustard and celery salt. What can I say? The hot dog would have been fine sans toppings. The tomato, pickle and peppers are not easy to eat when laid on top of a hot dog. Come on man, if it's worth eating, dice it up so I don't get a solid mouthful of tomato, pickle, or pepper. I hardly thought there was $3.50 worth of effort put into this thing.

Ringing endorsement? Hardly. I don't know what the Cleveland Magazine readers like, but this visit was hardly Silver Spoon worthy. I don't normally pan places outright, but Tucky's isn't even in the same country as Seti's Polish Boy or Happy Dog. As for the CM readers - What were you thinking?

Tucky's
6232 Mayfield Road
Mayfield, 44124
440-460-3871
http://www.tuckyshotdogs.com

Best of the Wurst

While down in Columbus we were staying down at The Lofts across the street from the Hyatt. As a result, we decided to walk down to North Market for lunch both days. I have a tendency to lock onto a certain place and not let go.

Since I love hot dogs I knew what my NM stop was going to be.

A Gold Star for a Cool Sign

The last couple of times I had been there The Best of the Wurst was either closed or had too many people in line. This time I went on both Saturday and Sunday and they were open and had only a few people in line.

It’s a smallish hot dog stand that is run by three people (a girl that was taking orders and two guys that were cooking, one cooking dogs and the other on buns and toppings).

On Saturday I ordered the Italian Sausage. I was a little pissed at myself because there wasn’t really anything about it that blew me away, but why would it? It’s an Italian sausage!

Sunday was much better, I decided on the Blue Cheese Hot Dog which was very good. Topped with blue cheese and horse radish sauce, this is exactly the kind of thing I had hoped for the first time around.

Best of the Wurst is no Hot Doug’s but for Columbus it’s a viable alternative.

Best of the Wurst
59 Spruce St
Columbus, OH 43215
(614) 469-8778

Hot Dog Johnny's in Buttzville, NJ

During the course of one year I spend countless hours on Interstate 80 between Cleveland and New York. I’m always on the lookout for places to eat that aren’t chains.

I recently decided that instead of taking the Northeast extension to Allentown and cutting over on I-78 to get to Clinton, New Jersey, I continued on I-80 and got off after the Delaware Water Gap and cut through on the back roads. What a great decision.

About ten miles off of I-80 at the “46 East” exit (I think it’s exit 12) sits an old hot dog stand in Buttzville, NJ called Hot Dog Johnny’s.

Once you pull up, it’s pretty clear that this place has been here a while (over 60 years). There’s a large gravel parking lot with plenty of outdoor seating around the stand itself. There are a few tables inside for the cold months.

This is actually a great place to go in the summertime. The Pequest river flows a stone’s throw away behind the current stand. They also have the original stand (which looks like it’s about 8x8), from the forties that sits in the back of the property. Hot Dog Johnny’s has also provided swings to help occupy children that may have wolfed down their food or have been cooped up in the car for a few hours.

The hot dogs are unique in the sense that they are cooked in peanut oil. When I opened mine the first thing I noticed was the softness of the hot bun. The finely minced onions added an ever so slight crunchiness that complimented the crispy skin on the deep fried dog.

Hot Dog Johnny’s also offers up mugs of Birch Beer and Buttermilk. I can understand the combination hot dogs and soda. I can’t say that I understand the connection between deep fried meat and buttermilk. If you’ve already had lunch or dinner and are looking for a snack they also serve ice cream.

While HDJ's is a little while off the highway, it is a straight shot down US Hwy 46 at 50mph. Considering most of the garbage that you pass along 80, I think it’s worth the trip.

Hot Dog Johnny's
US Hwy 46
Buttzville, NJ 07829
(908) 453-2882
http://hotdogjohnny.com